Acceptance Takes Time — the Story with My Dad

Author/ Wayne Huang

Thank you everyone for giving me such a beautiful opportunity to share my story with you. My topic is “Acceptance Takes Time — the Story with My Dad”. I know some of you are senior engineers at Shinchu Science Park and some of you will be a doctor in the future. To become a specialist in your career path, you would thank some important people in your life because they support you to finish your study without any burden or they encourage you to be brave to pursue your own dream. These secret heroes may be your family, teachers, friends or even yourself.

In my life, I have already done some meaningful things. In my third year of college, I was involved in a two month project as an exchange participant with other college students from different countries. We taught orphanage kids to be a good person in Malaysia. In 2018, I was so lucky to get an opportunity to participate in international cultural exchanges in Korea. Only two Taiwanese students represented. At graduation ceremony, I got two awards at the same time – “Outstanding Service Award and Excellent Academic Award”. When I recalled these honors and experience, I always looked forward to getting encouragement from my family, especially my father. But sadly, he always rejected any decision I made.

My father is a mechanic who works with my grandfather at the factory. My father was very obedient to his parents and never resisted their request. My grandmother grew up with a traditional education. Every time she cooks a lot of meals, she asks my father to finish all the things. That is why my father is getting fatter. I understand that my father takes on the hope of the whole family and sacrifices his life to the family. This is also my father's hope that I can follow his footsteps and meet all of Dad's requirements. But I have my own ideas and goals that I want to pursue, and these goals are different from what my father expected.

When I studied at junior high school, my father wished that I should be an industrial vocational high school student and later inherit his work, but I chose to go to the regular high school. Because I think I have unlimited potential and follow my talents to pursue my dream, I don’t want to directly decide what I want to do in the future at industrial vocational high school. When I chose actuarial science as my department because I am interest in math and good at thinking about the problems, he wished that I should go to the mechanical department at university because my father is a mechanic. And we even had fight for this decision I made. When I decided to take double major in economics (Economics is full of fun), my father cursed me that I would fail on two majors and be flunk by my professor. Luckily, I finished double degree and credited program of big data analysis, and I was even award as the first place, with an average score of 93.18 over 100. But my father was not proud of me.

There are a lot of stories behind a bad relationship with my father, but I really want to be recognized from him because he is my closest relative... I started to talk with him for wishing to have chance that I knew him more and he understood me more. Unfortunately, we often ended up with quarrels. Finally, I know the reason is that "I am not a good son that my father hopes I should be".

At one silent night, my mother wat not at home. I tried to start a talk with my father from the historical story(Second World War) he liked, and he happily shared many details of it. This was the first time I really enjoyed talking with him. I hoped this moment went on forever. After trying many times, the bridge of communication between us opened at this night. I caught this opportunity to ask him why you did not encourage me to do what I liked. But he said that he was afraid I failed on the other field. At least, you would have a basic salary to inherit what I build like this factory.

"I am not a good son that my father hopes I should be". I totally misunderstood this from my father. I thought he wanted to control my free will and I will be a robot in his plan. Behind this, there are full of love from my father’s worries. When we put away all preconceived ideas to talk, we further understand each other more and be more sympathetic. I know this is very difficult, everyone has different growth backgrounds, full of different ideas. But quarreling is not a good way to solve parent-child relationships. I have to seize the opportunity to talk to the person I care from my bottom of my heart at the right time. Everyone presents here, I have one message to all of you and this course I have taken more than ten years. I suddenly realize that love is something that ideally is there unconditionally throughout the relationship between a parent and a child. But acceptance is something that takes time. I still try to make our relationship better and I am on the way. Thank you.